What have i done with my life so far? Nothing of note. Nothing that really matters.
Since beginning university, I have had an overwhelming feeling that nothing we do really matters, and subsequently often loose any motivation or drive for anything i'm doing. As humans, we feel we have all the time in the world, we feel invincible. Many think its okay to put fun off for later. So many of us buy into this ideal that society places upon us that we have to work hard and succeed in a chosen career in order to have achieved in life.
I was on the tube in London this week and noticed all the commuters, in smart suits and having "important" conversations with colleagues. I couldn't help but feel like we waste so much life, so much of our time working 9-5 jobs, living out the life that society has made us believe to be the best way. Get A's in school they told us, Get into a good university they told us, Work work work they drum into us. I find myself living in a world of people who will look down upon me if i "under-achieve", if i have too much fun and don't try my best when it comes to my degree. Don't get me wrong I love my degree, I love graphics and am in love with all things creative. I have a passion for my subject, yes, but I am sick of being made to feel not good enough when i get a less than amazing grade.
As a child i was always an over-achiever and breezed my way into Grammar School. Here i bought into this ideal that anything less than an A was not good enough. I would work my arse off, but if i got a B I felt like less of a person for it. I spent years 9 through to year 13 breaking my back to get excellent grades. But i wasn't happy. Not at all.
The stress that has come with the second year of my degree has left me questioning whether its the right course for me. Left me considering not returning to University at all after the Christmas break. I can't help but wonder what the point is of placing so much stress on people, not just at university but in life in general. I understand the need for it on some level but does it need to be so extreme?
What will i remember when i look back on my life, no matter how hard i work? Not those late nights working towards deadlines, or overtime in an office. God, I hope not. I'll remember those care-free teenage parties, falling in love for the first time, driving fast down the motorway with the window open, climbing to the top of a shopping centre to see the view, skinny dipping at night, singing along at gigs, dancing all night long, those hilarious drunken "mistakes", those hilarious not so drunken "mistakes", the way one person can make you feel everything all at once or just chilling with friends.These are the things i want to remember, no matter how small or big. Anything that makes me feel happy and alive has way more purpose to me than achieving a 1st in my degree at uni.
